White Pony
11:06 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Has to be the time I pulled a fellow trainee when I worked at a pizza restaurant around 20-odd years ago. Cracking looking bird. However, she sadly had zero clue about personal hygiene and upon going back to hers and getting all worked up, I was just heading below deck when the smell of rotting fish hit my nostrils.
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ray winstone
11:03 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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She was fat and I’d been drinking vodka......
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The Kronic
10:35 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Too many to mention but one lovely looking sort I drunkenly pulled and took home, walked into my lounge, fingered herself until she gushed on the floor, licked it up and then declared she was a paranoid schizophrenic. She was doing well before admitting that.
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PwoperNaughtyButNot
9:55 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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The one that really rankles me still to this day was from when I was 17
Girl in the year above was stunning, from a posh family, very very clever and considered to be well out of my league. I'd spent half a year at 6th form just trying to get to know her and I felt we were becoming friends ish. Anyway one weekend night out a load of us are on the town in the usual club for the college and she was there with her mate from another school who wasn't that pretty. Everyone is having a good time but at the end of the night I get a life home with her mate who lived near me and we ended up getting it on. It was t great.
Monday and the girl hates me after her mate told her what happened. She was totally heartbroken and I was left scratching my head Wishing she had told me we had a chance. I loved that girl and totally ballsed it up just to get my balls up
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PwoperNaughtyButNot
9:49 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Pulled a bird in the swan Stockwell and shared a cab back to Kingston where I didn't live. She invited me in but said she had a boyfriend so no funny business. Agreed and was so pissed anyway i fell asleep cuddling her. She woke me up in the morning and told me how sweet I was to respect her and not try it on...as a reward she let me shag her anyway.
Probably a very good one night stand really.
Pulled some northern bird once purely because she told me she was from cockermouth. It was a loud club so I pretended I didn't hear her and said "you want me to put my cock in your mouth?" - she was a big lass and I wasn't interested anyway so thought I'd be a cheeky fucker. Anyway she replied "yes" and within half an hour I was back at hers and that is what was happening.
I had to pretend I had asthma and needed my inhaler just to get out of there and then back to the club to get back on it with my mates.
That might be the worst. That or the midget or perhaps the girls that fell of the train.
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longford
7:40 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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howc could i forget Chicagos , now known as Dick De'vignes , the ultimate grab an Essex Slapper night
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longford
7:38 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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i can honestly saay the sunrooms accounts for 75% of my most wankered nights in Southend
followed by saks underground, the alex , Zinc (RIP) makes up the other 25%#
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Grumpster
7:38 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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icwhs 7:27 Wed Sep 27
I've woken up naked next to my mum with morning glory, during the days when I had drinking issues and used to wake in random places in the house. Had to ask her to leave so I could sneak out.
Got to love sleep walking...............well that's what I'm calling it anyway!!
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Far Cough
7:27 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Does waking up in the morning with a bird who's lying on your arm so you have to bite it off, count?
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icwhs
7:27 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Woke up with you’re mum chomping on the large one
Nightmare
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Grumpster
7:24 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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It's still a result though Chim.
I mean this Norwegian looked like Frankie from the Saturdays and was 21 (think I was around 35 at he time) and must have already been gutted enough to wake up sober and see what she had pulled.
And then the cheeky cunt gets her to wank him off before giving him a lift back to the city centre.
Amazed I lasted 20 seconds considering what she looked like!
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chim chim cha boo
6:54 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Grumps,
Ha ha. Your story reminds me of a one-nighter where I didn't exactly cover myself in glory either. No, I was covered in something else entirely.
Back to the Astoria, there was a girl I really liked called Suzie the headbanger who used to hang around in The George in Charing Cross Rd. She was great-looking and very funny and I fancied her like fuck. I had resolved to ask her if she wanted to go for a ride to Brighton on my bike as it was a lovely hot summer.
Friday night came around and I was I must admit a bit nervous about seeing her even though I had a feeling she liked me too. Me and a couple of pals from my band met up at mine, had a few beers and I did about a gramme of speed- which back then used to turn me into a right mucky pup.
Suzie was at The George with her mate who I'd never met before (I can't even remember her name) who if I'm being honest was a bit of a BOBFOC (body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch), a Navy WREN from Portsmouth. I remember she talked a lot about her boyfriend.
Anyway, by the time we're in the Astoria I'm absolutely fucking mangled and this girl's caught me as I've come out of the toilet and dragged me back into a cubical. We didn't exactly have sex but we almost did.
In my drug-addled state I've completely forgotten about Suzie and NEEDED to fuck this WREN so we jumped in a cab and went to a flat in Fulham where she was staying.
I've never entirely got the logic of some women who only feel they're cheating on their boyfriends if they have full penetrative sex- everything else is fair game. It was a pretty weird couple of hours with me sticking my hand into the front of her skin-tight jeans, head under her T-shirt licking her tits and begging her to take her jeans off. At the same time she's rubbing the front of my strides but stopping me from taking them off because she's 'got a boyfriend'.
This seemed to go on FOREVER and part of me loved it of course. It all seemed like a big game and part of me knew she'd let me in there eventually.
'Eventually' came round and she said 'oh fuck it- take my jeans off' so I peeled them and her draws off and had a long, pervy drug-and-drink-addled look at her as she did her best to look coy (or as coy as you can look when rubbing the front of a blokes strides furiously).
I stood up to take my trousers off as cooly as possible, and as soon as my underpants had gone down a couple of inches and rather unexpectedly I jizzed all over her surprised and disappointed face, tits, my T-shirt and Suzie the headbanger's fabric sofa.
It didn't go down too well especially when I said something along the lines of 'well this is YOUR FUCKING FAULT'. It didn't go down too well with Suzie the headbanger either who never spoke to me again.
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Grumpster
6:27 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Most embarrassing was probably in Norway.
Had been drinking for 18 hours and for all my effort, there was no chance of me shooting my load he entire night.
Made her give me a wank in the morning and I reckon I didn't even last 20 seconds. Must have been all pent up from the night before, honest, ha ha.
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Private Dancer
6:10 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Grumps - LOL. Made me chuckle that. I suppose it's like saying I had a shit pizza.
Chim/Sold - Will get back you on that one :-)
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Grumpster
6:03 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Worst?
You'd have to ask them that, as I'm always fairly chuffed even when they're rotters!!!
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Northern Sold
5:43 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Ahhh the good ol' Sunrooms... like a bad trip without taking the acid...
Another couple I remembered that happened to MATES... one a Postie bought a girl he met whilst driving his van in Basildon.. brought her to the party that we was all at the next weekend... he ended up in one of the bedrooms.. and then 5 mins later came legging it down asking the host for a bottle of tommy ketchup... app' she would only suck dick smeared with the stuff.... we looked in the bedroom after it looked like a Tarantino movie....
Another when we was all in Blackpool on a staggy ended up with a hen (a woman not a chicken) in a cubicle in the shitty pub we was in... she's basically sucked his dick and he's finished all his glug all over her face... thing was she had one of those veils that hens wear ... and you can imagine the more they tried to clean it the more mess they was making (as was observed by our lot when we went and checked out the mess at teh bar)... as they exited the cubicle her Mother in Law to be came out of the cubicle with another one of our stag lot... Ha Ha!!
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chim chim cha boo
5:40 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Still no story Private Dancer?
I'm sure you are a loving and loyal wife to some lucky man. The problem is that it's not very INTERESTING.
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longford
5:36 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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went back to a lass's house after a night at the sunrooms in southend.
popped a little fella, and had been snorting bugle all night.
not only could i not get it up, my old chap RETRACTED in size so i was left with a reverse erection.
She was horrified, i was dying inside and had to walk back in -5 degrees at 4 in the morning.
a couple of years down the line, turns out she was mates with my girlfiriend , it was like the biggest nightmare, but followed me around for years.
i still get a big shudder when i think of that night
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Northern Sold
5:35 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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I imagine Private's worst one night stand would be an actual woman with an actual normal vagina... you know rather than a freak with a dangly wart infested Johnson...
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chim chim cha boo
4:58 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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The floor's yours Private.
Do tell us an entertaining story about your past?
It would be a first as all you ever seem to do is jump into threads with a snide comment then fuck off again. That's not really a very good story though, is it? In fact it makes you out to be a bit of a cunt.
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Private Dancer
4:53 Wed Sep 27
Re: Worst one night stand!
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Well, what would you know, the sites 2 jJackonorey's, Sold and Chim have a story to tell...sooo fucking predictable.
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